And so I wait

I've never been good with waiting. And I've never been good with the unknown. Combine those two, and you get someone who's even more nervous and anxious than she normally is.

My due date is coming up, and I'm sitting here with the cats listening to Brian do his last minor league baseball game. Sammy and Arthur are asleep, not because of Brian, just bored with me sitting around not doing much. I'm bored with myself just sitting around not doing much. My mind wanders too much, and I wonder about too much.

I wonder what the right name is for the baby. Donovan? Dominick? Anthony Lee? Lee Anthony? Vincent? Vince? Vin? Landon? Brian has rejected all my suggestions. He either knew someone he didn't like with that name, or he found the name too common. He is odd. I'm taking four options into the delivery room, and reserving a fifth if needed. I hope the kid looks like one of the names. Otherwise he better tell me what his name is. It's an odd responsibility to have, and one of the minor ones I'll have in his lifetime.

Then I wonder if he'll be born healthy. He seems to kick and move a lot. Is it the right kind of movement? Is it enough? His heartbeat is always good. Still, there's a lot that could be wrong. Not really something to dwell on.

Then I wonder if I'll be okay during the delivery. I get nervous doing anything for the first time and try to research as much as I can so I have some plan for what's going to happen. I don't think this ever does anything to help me. Did I mention I worry too much?

Mostly I wonder if I'll be a good mom. Luckily, I have a great example to follow. I just don't want to fall short of it. But what I really don't want, is to spend time worrying about it.